Light a candle – this action alone makes whatever else I’m doing (eating, writing, dishes) feel more special and beautiful, and reminds me to slow down and enjoy the process.
Three deep breaths – sometimes I focus on a word or thought for the day.
Writing – either freeform or with a specific goal in mind, this helps to center my mind.
Gratitude – aloud, in my head, or in a journal, focus on things in my life that help me feel happy.
Take a short walk – getting outside for some fresh air, listening to the sounds of nature or the city, connects me with the greater world and myself.
Note: this post may contain affiliate links, which means I receive a commission if you purchase through the link. I only link to products I use and love.
This book recommendation may seem a bit off topic, but honestly it has provided me with so much “getting back on track” that I couldn’t be the parent I am without having read it.
Planning your day: follow the compass, not the clock.
The idea of designating my time in terms of roles and goals has been instrumental in keeping me balanced as a person (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), as a friend, a family member, a community member, a co-worker, and – at this time in my life – most importantly a parent.
Click the image to find at your local bookstore
The other concept that has guided and righted my ship numberous (haha that’s a great typo) times is the quadrant planning tool. The most significant aspect of it is noticing those things in our life that are not pressing or urgent, but are IMPORTANT. I am the Queeeeen of putting all of my ASAP tasks behind anything with an actual deadline, and all of my important tasks somewhere between Rainbow Bright and the Care Bears*.
Note: If you did not grow up in the 80’s, first of all I am so sorry, what a bummer, if there’s anything I can do to help please let me know; second, *what I mean is that those dreams are (or were, until I read this book) in the clouds.
One additional piece of advice – not directly from this book, but combined with some wisdom from my mom (thanks mom!) – that has shaped my self-concept was to recognize that one cannot “Get an A”, ie. do their best work as a parent, a housekeeper, a student, a partner… all at the same time. Many colleges now even frown upon 4.0 GPAs because it is impossible highly improbable to achieve that while also being creative and social and all of the other soft skills that are required to be a productive worker sustainably. (Obviously there are exceptions to any impossibilities. Especially if one goes to a really cool school that values real values.)
I’m not at all advocating for just letting the rest of your life go to heck so you can be a good parent, because the stress of a mucked up life is not good for parenting, but just to give yourself grace when you fall short a bit in one area or another, recognize the juggling act you are attempting, and know that you are doing your best. Or, if you really feel you are not, re-calibrate.
Take some time for yourself to map out new strategies, and ask for help if needed. I realize that it often takes an enormous amount of strength to reach out when you are struggling. If you are not sure who or how to ask for help, please get in touch and I will do my best help you figure it out or find someone who can!
I am so grateful to have discovered RIE as a teacher, because it has profoundly altered how I am parenting my younger child (and my older child as well now). The biggest aha’s came to me in recognizing that a crying child does not mean you are not doing your job. An angry child does not mean you are being a bad parent – in fact, the opposite is true. The first time my teenager yelled at me, I celebrated (internally, I’m not trying to be rude!), knowing that I was providing the structure they needed to do their job of pushing against it.
At the same time, I have pulled back control over situations that I recognize my kids are perfectly capable of handling themselves, or when a (mild) physical lesson will be so much more effective than constant verbal warnings; asking myself what is the worst that can happen here? Will they be seriously hurt, or will not rescuing them erode our trust? If not, let them try.
The most important role of a caregiver, whether in a home or school setting, is “help me do it myself”.
Provide the minimal amount of scaffolding necessary for them to be successful at the task.
That doesn’t mean easily completing it the first time. You have to gauge the level of frustration, and balance it with the potential for a great sense of accomplishment.
One of the resources that has been most helpful to me in crafting our daily rhythm is Whole Family Rhythms.
For the next two days, their summer guides (and several others) are available at an incredible discount. Take advantage of the sale now by clicking here.
I’ve been trying to jump on spare moments I have to keep building this site. I just looked at some of the work I did last week in a rush, and saw: an upside down photo;–> a mismatched link format (I like the embedded one better I think)… and then glancing back at some of my older posts and cringing at either the content or production value.
I contemplated taking down the first few entries, but then decided it could be valuable to show the messiness of the creation process. I visited a museum once that had a room full of pages with hundreds of iterations of the same drawing, and it was so validating to recognize that the masterpieces hung on the walls of the other museums were the culmination of a lot of mistakes and practice runs.
So I’ll eventually clean up the graphics and text as I learn the technical side, but my older, less experienced work is going to stay. Because I think it’s actually great that I look back at things I’ve written and cringe; it means I’m growing.
As I’ve been working to smooth our getting home-dinner-bedtime routine, I’ve been reminded of the importance of consistent expectations. We have a visual chart for our before bed activities (bath, jammies, stories, teeth, snuggle). Any time I attempt to deviate from the plan (say, by skipping bath because it’s late), I (we all) pay later!
One of my super fave resources right now is Whole Family Rhythms. Meagan has the most gorgeous printables for designing your family’s daily and weekly routines and menu plans, and also just a wealth of information on conscious, reflective, respectful parenting and family life. I am currently working with her summer season guide, and have previously used the “Return to rhythm” and several other resources.
*Note – The WholeFamilyRhythms site is taking a break for the summer, so I’m not sure you’ll be able to purchase anything at the moment, but definitely sign up for the email list, and I will also let you know here when she’s back up and running!
Update: The Guides are now available as FREE downloads! It’s still set up as a shopping cart, so you’ll need to enter some personal information to check out. Super excited to explore the Winter and Spring guides!
A favorite book from my first child’s childhood is Rabbit’s Bedtime by Nancy Elizabeth Wallace. (You can click the link to purchase from your local bookstore!)
I’m still working on figuring out the required disclosures about affiliate links; in the meantime I’ll just let you know that I’ve signed up for an account with IndieBound (it’s like an Amazon link but instead it goes to a local bookstore). Shop your local indie bookstore.
I am so excited to share today this list I’ve been working on for months! I personally have a huge aversion to dishes, a kiddo who’s not a super fan of most fresh veggies, and I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that has led me to focus on foods that keep my body and nutrition balanced.
So, I’ve worked hard to prepare meals that my whole family loves, that limit the number of dishes required for preparing and serving, and that keep us all healthy! Here they are:
1. Caprese – This is the simplest fresh meal I can put together with just three ingredients: tomatoes, sliced tofu, and basil. Drizzle with high quality olive oil and balsamic, sea salt and tri-color pepper (I leave the pepper off of a few for my toddler). 2. Breakfast Mezza – My mom turned me on to this simple, decadent morning meal of cucumber spears, salted, and hummus. Drizzle some olive oil and lemon on the hummus, and fresh salt on the cucumbers. Amazing. (You can also add bell peppers, carrot slivers – prepared with a peeler, sliced mushrooms or any other veggies that you and your kids enjoy.) 3. Lentil dip and crackers – This one came from my brother. At Trader Joe’s (and also now Safeway), you can buy pre-cooked bags of lentils. Mix with a tub of bruschetta to make a savory, protein filled dip to serve alongside your favorite crackers or chips. This is a great to bring to a potluck. 4. Sandwiches. Okay this is one is kind of obvious, but it gets me so much mileage I had to mention it. My go to is almond butter with cinnamon and jam or banana slices. My little one loves veggie slices (I like the ones made with white beans and kale (at Trader Joe’s) versus the soy based ones.), and Daiya Cream Cheese. I like to add tomatoes and cucumbers. Sprinkle on some nutritional yeast or your favorite spice blend. Perfect car snack, easy breakfast on the way to school, or add a fruit salad with cinnamon and lemon juice for picnics. 5. Burritos. Spread refried beans, sprinkle black beans, corn, shredded carrots, cabbage, and lettuce, and salsa. Add veg-based sauces and cheezy sprinkles as desired. Note: Depending on the tortilla you choose (whole wheat, sprouted grains), the wrap can crack when you fold it. Leaving it out on the counter to soften a bit helps, or – only slight cheat here on the no-cook theme – you could heat them on the stove top or in toaster oven for a few minutes before assembling.
Okay that’s it. Hope you enjoy. I’ll add more as I come up with new ideas, and feel free to share in the comments if you have other favorites.
The key difference, as I understand it, between a provocation and an invitation is that an invitation is kind of a random wild card idea to see if something will spark their interest, as in the unschooling concept of “strewing”, whereas a provocation is based upon something that you know they already have some interest, and then aiming to stretch their conceptual understanding – this is the bases of emergent curriculum.
Q has been having fun making designs with a set of shape magnets, (pictured to the right). So I decided to set out some shape blocks (above), put a few in a frame, and leave the rest in a container to see if it would catch his eye.
He noticed it on the floor immediately, and it totally held his engagement, and mine! He made several different versions, using all of the pieces, talked about what he was creating, and invited me to join him.
Update: after a few days, he was pretty much over it, so I put it up in the closet for a while and plan to bring it back out in conjunction with some other building materials – maybe cars to suggest roads – or playdough which he has been getting really into now.
A few weeks ago, Q got really interested in emergencies, so we finally practiced our first fire drill, and also an earthquake drill. What was really fantastic about getting this done was not only the practice (which ideally should be done often enough that the responses are automatic); I discovered things we needed to change about the setup of our room to be able to evacuate or shelter in place quickly.
“Oh, we can’t get under this table because there are a bunch of heavy bins to move first! Hey, we are going to need a stool to actually get up out of this window. Oh man, if this stool is in the hallway we are going to trip on it rushing out in the dark.”
Totally unexpected outcome, but so valuable! My goal is to establish “Friday night fire drills” – or more realistically, First Friday (of the month) fire drills.
I also moved two of our emergency gallons of water from the car to the house, realizing it’s probably more likely that we’ll get stuck inside than stranded somewhere else (simply because we spend more time here than in the car).
Update: apparently leaving gallons of water in the trunk of your car makes them leak? I’m thinking the pressure changes of temperature or something. Anyway, new plan is to keep them with other supplies in a plastic bin.
IMPORTANT NOTE: This message is intended for caregivers of children ages 3+
Any younger and I would not take my eyes off them. With 3-5 I would say **do not ever ever leave the bathroom even for five seconds just to grab something really quick**
Just do what you can do with what you already have in there, whether it’s wiping the counter with a baby wipe or washcloth and some hand soap, picking up a few random things that have fallen on the floor, or swirling out the toilet with the brush, even if you don’t have the spray – you can always do a more throrough job later when you have more time.
You may need to take breaks to assist with cleaning or to “watch this”.If the bathroom is clean and kiddo is happily playing independently, sometimes I use this time to check emails, write blog posts (as I’m doing now 😄), or do some fancy makeup just for fun!
I think it’s also important to mention that ultimately, my goal would be to be present in the moment, playing with kiddo throughout the bath, taking the opportunity to have meaningful conversations and observe their play, and then inviting them to practice cleaning the bathroom with me — which we do occasionally, as with the rest of the house; I try to strike a balance. Sometimes I just have to get it done to keep the evening flowing toward bedtime.
The key difference, as I understand it, between a provocation and an invitation is that an invitation is kind of a random wild card idea to see if something will spark their interest, as in the unschooling concept of “strewing”, whereas a provocation is based upon something that you know they already have some interest, and then aiming to stretch their conceptual understanding – this is the bases of emergent curriculum. 
