Generally I think of self-care in terms of spa treatments – foot soaks, face masks, massage – or reading a book on the beach. Relaxing is super important, and joy and laughter are equally good for the soul as calm and peace.
Here are some of my favorite ways to play with kids, that also have a bit of soothing energy:
Playdough – squishing things is such a sensory treat! It’s like a colorful stress ball (which I guess should really be called anti-stress balls); with the added bonus of the capacity for artistic expression 🙂
Blowing bubbles – focusing on your breath brings a great balance of centering and energizing, and the visual beauty is also nourishing to our senses.
Photo by cherylholt from Pixabay
Keeping this post short and sweet as we are taking off for a weekend with extended family – also one of my favorite self-care tools. I am lucky to have a lovely and supportive group of relatives nearby, so I try to enjoy that social interaction and change of scenery often.
One of the most powerful mood shifters I know is gratitude. About a year ago, I started keeping a daily journal listing ten things I’m grateful for, and why. The “why” part also helps me clarify my deepest values by noticing how I describe what’s important to me. For example, I’ll I often have a lot of words like cozy, beautiful, and relaxing in my lists, which lets me know that these are some of the things that matter most to me – and then I can bring more of that into my life.
Recently I introduced this idea to my four-year-old through a simple dinner-time ritual. When we sit down to eat, I light a candle, and then we each share what was our favorite part of the day. It’s a sweet way to connect and learn more about one another, and bring pleasant feelings by remembering all of the most fun things we’ve done and kindness we’ve experienced.
Another way that we focus on the joy in our lives is “the remember story” told at bedtime. I don’t recall how we started, but Q loves it! It begins “Do you remember when we woke up this morning, and …” and then talk about our day. When we’ve been together, it’s fun to reminisce, and when we’ve been apart, it gives us a chance to hear more about each others’ lives. It also helps me think about ways I can make each day special, so we have wonderful things to remember.
As you begin to create additional opportunities for self-care in your lives, this practice will help amplify the feelings to get even more benefit. If you have other ways that you express or focus on gratitude, share them in the comments so we can inspire each other!
Note: this post may contain affiliate links, which means I receive a commission if you purchase through the link. I only link to products I use and love.
Okay, I’m super excited about today’s family self-care idea, because it’s one of my favorites, and because it’s going to make all of the others so much easier. Are you ready? Here it is:
Screen Free Days! I promise you this one activity will have a bigger impact on your state of mind and your connection with your kids than any other. This may seem obvious in theory, but, like the fire drill experience, the effect is so much greater in practice than I had imagined.
(If you are one of the blessed single parents / WAHPs who don’t turn to screens in times of desperation, I apologize this post isn’t as exciting for you. I’ll make it up to you with my second best idea tomorrow! Hint: it involves candles.)
The idea of a screen break came to me via Meagan at Whole Family Rhythms. I mean, the idea of a screen break is self-explanatory, but she actually has an official plan. According to her website, she’s been almost completely screen free for years, which is totally inspiring, and also seems completely impossible right now. But, a week? Probably doable. One. single. day? No excuse not take that challenge.
When I did the Unplug Childhood training earlier this year, I prepared myself for some tears and foot stomping. It was actually surprising how little resistance I met. I think part of it was the pre-planned activities (like bubbles, playdough, and morning provocations), and my willingness to forgo some of my own time to really dedicate to playing – which is always my goal anyway. Focusing my energy in this direction was just extra incentive to be more organized. It honestly only takes 5 minutes to set up a simple play activity like blocks or playdough for the morning, have an idea of an art experience for later in the day after nap, and if all else fails we head to the park!
Take your time
Here is another lovely source of ideas for keeping busy while you adjust to losing your free babysitter. My goal was to make the approach light and easy, not pressured. The idea is to lower stress, so making it hard on yourself defeats that purpose.
In the long run, your child’s emotional regulation will benefit so much from interacting with the physical world using multiple senses, leading to more peaceful problem-solving and a happier, more connected environment.
If you missed the first two posts in the series, you can find them here, and here.
On the first day of this series, I talked about one of my favorite ways to relax on a hot summer night: sharing a soothing foot soak. With the heat even more intense now, I’m realizing that some cooling mint leaves would be a perfect addition to this treat!
Today I’m sharing a great spur-of-the-moment stress reliever that is especially helpful for kids who love to be active. I was going to say, “Are there any who don’t?” but honestly I was that kid who could generally be found curled up with a book, and only played outside, reluctantly, when dragged out by my cousin or pushed out by the recess bell.
Fortunately, I’ve since found some kinds of physical exercise that I actually enjoy, and one that I’m lucky enough to have in common with both of my kids is dancing. It’s the next best thing to going to the beach.
When my house is out of control, and everybody is out of sorts, I can usually just turn on some music and once we get moving I can keep going to get the work done. My older child and I don’t have much overlap in our tastes in songs; we converge on musical theater tunes, but I don’t find them very danceable – even though they are totally designed to be… just maybe I would need actual dance skills to make it work.
So I get most of my dancing done with just the four-year-old. Thankfully, he is a big fan of some of my favorite artists: Beyonce, Janelle Monae and Imagine Dragons (at first I thought he was just attracted to the weirdness of some of the videos, but he gets his bop on to the car radio too.) **Some of these linked songs have words that might make some people’s grandparents blush :)**
Dancing is like super bonus self-care because it’s good for mind and body. It gets my blood pumping, it often gets me singing which leads to deeper breathing, and it’s just so fun! Next time the stress level in your house starts to bubble over, try taking a time out for a dance party – at the very least, you’ll have to kick all of the toys to the wall to make space on the floor, so your cleaning will be half done! If you need some inspo in the music department to get you started, I’ll share some kid friendly ideas below, and if you want my personal “dance lessons” playlist, here ya go. (As with the links above, some of these lyrics may not pass G rating, but the ones below should, except for maybe the lawnmower song.)
Some of Q’s current favorites are Yellow Submarine by the Beatles, Perry Gripp’s Space Unicorn and Raining Tacos (warning: not a vegetarian song), and All American Rejects’ Gives You Hell, which as a toddler he called “the lawnmower song” (watch the video and you’ll understand why.)
He has also recently become enamored with silly movement songs (and anything else silly) like “Tootie Tah”. It’s not really danceable per se, but it’s fun anyway. I found a Dr. Jean version that’s pretty heckin hilarious – few things in life more entertaining (except maybe this), than watching a middle aged preschool teacher who wouldn’t be caught dead in a club find an excuse to shake her booty. (I say this as a middle aged preschool teacher who needs no excuse and can often be caught alive and well at Crush or Tonic shaking it to cheesy 80’s pop or whatever DJ Aurora is playing.)
I’ll be back tomorrow with my very best family self-care tip… I know I should probably keep it for last, but I think it’s going to be the most fun, and help with all of the others, so I’m bringing it out early. I also have a scented playdough Instagram round-up in the works so stay tuned for that as well.
When your kids are with you 24/7, the best way to get some good self-care in is to include them! For the next month, I will be highlighting simple self-care activities that you can do WITH your kids – so you don’t have to add the cost of child care to your spa bill, or use up prime Netflix time. Okay I guess you could actually do a lot of these while watching… but it’s also super fun to introduce your little ones to the simple joys of self-care rituals. And wouldn’t you rather fold laundry while you binge anyway?
Once of my family’s favorite “self-care together” activities is foot soaks. Filling up a tub of warm water (or cool if it’s super hot outside!), adding some bath salts or essential oils, and dipping our toes is a relaxing a fun way to take care of our bodies and get a great sensory experience.
If we’re feeling extra fancy, adding some rose petals or lavender blossoms gives it a luxurious aesthetic.
Stay tuned for more summer self-care ideas I’ll be featuring over the next month!
Light a candle – this action alone makes whatever else I’m doing (eating, writing, dishes) feel more special and beautiful, and reminds me to slow down and enjoy the process.
Three deep breaths – sometimes I focus on a word or thought for the day.
Writing – either freeform or with a specific goal in mind, this helps to center my mind.
Gratitude – aloud, in my head, or in a journal, focus on things in my life that help me feel happy.
Take a short walk – getting outside for some fresh air, listening to the sounds of nature or the city, connects me with the greater world and myself.
Note: this post may contain affiliate links, which means I receive a commission if you purchase through the link. I only link to products I use and love.
This book recommendation may seem a bit off topic, but honestly it has provided me with so much “getting back on track” that I couldn’t be the parent I am without having read it.
Planning your day: follow the compass, not the clock.
The idea of designating my time in terms of roles and goals has been instrumental in keeping me balanced as a person (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), as a friend, a family member, a community member, a co-worker, and – at this time in my life – most importantly a parent.
Click the image to find at your local bookstore
The other concept that has guided and righted my ship numberous (haha that’s a great typo) times is the quadrant planning tool. The most significant aspect of it is noticing those things in our life that are not pressing or urgent, but are IMPORTANT. I am the Queeeeen of putting all of my ASAP tasks behind anything with an actual deadline, and all of my important tasks somewhere between Rainbow Bright and the Care Bears*.
Note: If you did not grow up in the 80’s, first of all I am so sorry, what a bummer, if there’s anything I can do to help please let me know; second, *what I mean is that those dreams are (or were, until I read this book) in the clouds.
One additional piece of advice – not directly from this book, but combined with some wisdom from my mom (thanks mom!) – that has shaped my self-concept was to recognize that one cannot “Get an A”, ie. do their best work as a parent, a housekeeper, a student, a partner… all at the same time. Many colleges now even frown upon 4.0 GPAs because it is impossible highly improbable to achieve that while also being creative and social and all of the other soft skills that are required to be a productive worker sustainably. (Obviously there are exceptions to any impossibilities. Especially if one goes to a really cool school that values real values.)
I’m not at all advocating for just letting the rest of your life go to heck so you can be a good parent, because the stress of a mucked up life is not good for parenting, but just to give yourself grace when you fall short a bit in one area or another, recognize the juggling act you are attempting, and know that you are doing your best. Or, if you really feel you are not, re-calibrate.
Take some time for yourself to map out new strategies, and ask for help if needed. I realize that it often takes an enormous amount of strength to reach out when you are struggling. If you are not sure who or how to ask for help, please get in touch and I will do my best help you figure it out or find someone who can!
As I’ve been working to smooth our getting home-dinner-bedtime routine, I’ve been reminded of the importance of consistent expectations. We have a visual chart for our before bed activities (bath, jammies, stories, teeth, snuggle). Any time I attempt to deviate from the plan (say, by skipping bath because it’s late), I (we all) pay later!
One of my super fave resources right now is Whole Family Rhythms. Meagan has the most gorgeous printables for designing your family’s daily and weekly routines and menu plans, and also just a wealth of information on conscious, reflective, respectful parenting and family life. I am currently working with her summer season guide, and have previously used the “Return to rhythm” and several other resources.
*Note – The WholeFamilyRhythms site is taking a break for the summer, so I’m not sure you’ll be able to purchase anything at the moment, but definitely sign up for the email list, and I will also let you know here when she’s back up and running!
Update: The Guides are now available as FREE downloads! It’s still set up as a shopping cart, so you’ll need to enter some personal information to check out. Super excited to explore the Winter and Spring guides!
A favorite book from my first child’s childhood is Rabbit’s Bedtime by Nancy Elizabeth Wallace. (You can click the link to purchase from your local bookstore!)
I’m still working on figuring out the required disclosures about affiliate links; in the meantime I’ll just let you know that I’ve signed up for an account with IndieBound (it’s like an Amazon link but instead it goes to a local bookstore). Shop your local indie bookstore.
Child playing with bubbles
