I am so grateful to have discovered RIE as a teacher, because it has profoundly altered how I am parenting my younger child (and my older child as well now). The biggest aha’s came to me in recognizing that a crying child does not mean you are not doing your job. An angry child does not mean you are being a bad parent – in fact, the opposite is true. The first time my teenager yelled at me, I celebrated (internally, I’m not trying to be rude!), knowing that I was providing the structure they needed to do their job of pushing against it.
At the same time, I have pulled back control over situations that I recognize my kids are perfectly capable of handling themselves, or when a (mild) physical lesson will be so much more effective than constant verbal warnings; asking myself what is the worst that can happen here? Will they be seriously hurt, or will not rescuing them erode our trust? If not, let them try.
The most important role of a caregiver, whether in a home or school setting, is “help me do it myself”.
Provide the minimal amount of scaffolding necessary for them to be successful at the task.
That doesn’t mean easily completing it the first time. You have to gauge the level of frustration, and balance it with the potential for a great sense of accomplishment.